my grandpa today was harder than the first time I saw him laying on that hospital bed. The fact that he is back at the hospital for a completely different thing is so heartbreaking, the fact that he almost had a stroke two days ago is devastating. My heart can’t carry all this pain, I hate it. It is taking every bit of me to stay strong, but the fact that everyone is telling me to be hopeful, yet prepare myself for the worst, how does that work?
Every night I pray to god to keep my grandpa, to give him strength to get better because I need him in my world, who else is going to tell me I am the light of their eyes, who else is gonna give me that smile that makes me smile? But most importantly who is going to keep my family together, my grandpa is the strongest bond we all share, hes the one that keeps us sane, that keeps us together that keeps us going. I can’t wrap myself around the idea of loosing him, I just don’t think I can.
To top everything off it’s finals week, all the motivation I had is gone, all I want to be is done and spend every moment I can in the hospital with my grandpa, but I still have one more final left, my hardest one yet, the one that my grade depends on for the class. Can my life be any more stressful? It just seems like the past two months every bit of happiness has slowly been taken away from me,my whole life has taken 360.I try to find things to keep myself busy with, but at the end of the day when all the lights are out all I can think about is my grandpa. I just want things to get better, but they just don’t seem to be.
I just keep reminding myself, “always stay strong” and be hopeful.